Karma
by piove
Summary: Living with regret is one of the worst punishments. Just how grave of a mistake does Severus have to make, for him to realize how much he needs Harry?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: You think I would be here if I owned Harry Potter!

Warning: Rated MA later on.. just to be safe. Pairing: SS/HP Slash!

A/N: Criticisms and Reviews are always welcome.

Disclaimer: You think I would be here if I owned Harry Potter?

Warning: Rated M later on... just to be safe. Pairing SS/HP Slash!

A/N: Criticisms and Reviews are always welcome!

**"Karma"**

"Harry, man, you've gotta stop doing this to yourself. Confront him! Do something!" Ron said exasperatedly yet pleadingly at the same time.

Harry just buried his face in his hands. He was so lost. When he and Severus had started out, it was like a cliché fairy tale. They were constantly trying to have some kind of physical contact just to feel that short burst of happiness. Harry never imagined that maybe someday Severus would become bored with him. Well, he never said that he was, but actions say so much more than words. Why else would Severus constantly go out, hardly talk to him, or never even sleep with him anymore? Hell, Severus hardly was in the same room as Harry as of late. Harry always planned on saying something, but as soon as he saw Severus, he always lost his resolve. He loved him, so he'd take whatever was given to him. But, it was just getting too big of a burden for him to handle anymore, the pain that built up was suffocating him.

"Ron, I...I can't leave him, every time I work up the courage to say something, I always-"

"-lose your courage, I know Harry, this happens all the time! I mean, it used to be just once in awhile, but bloody hell man! I don't think you should stay with him if you're HERE more than you're with him!" Ron yelled, getting very fustrated that love was blinding his best friend.

This was so unfair, out of everything in the world, why couldn't Harry have love? Merlin knows he deserves it. Ron just didn't understand, when he saw them together after graduation, he could swear that Harry would finally have his peace. Now, all this, well quite frankly, bullshit with Severus made Ron rethink his decision on supporting Harry and this relationship. Although Ron was always perceived as the epitome of a Gryffindor by jumping to conclusions, he thought about this situation with Severus a lot. Severus was a Slytherin, well duh, but that would mean that he would try to have a back door, right? Ron had a very bad feeling about why Severus left all the time. He tried so hard to brush it off, but the dark foreboding feeling kept creeping back. If Severus felt that he needed a backdoor with say, Harry's relationship, did that mean that he was ..cheating on Harry? It broke Ron's heart to think that something that started out pure, would become something so horrible and in the end break Harry. Ron laughed bitterly at the thought. Something as wonderful as love, could turn around and break Harry like nothing else could.

Ron sighed, "Come on Harry, you're in no condition to go home. Spend the night here, and I'll bring you home tomorrow morning, ok?"

Harry nodded slowly and smiled slightly. It was heart warming to know that he had someone permanently there that he could fall back on. Harry snorted 'More like break down on.' He looked up and saw Ron patiently waiting for him to get his thoughts together so that he could get some rest. Harry gave Ron a brother-like embrace and said softly, "Thanks Ron, I owe you one man."

Ron smiled and joked lightly, "Nah, it's all in the friend contract! You see, it says clearly on line 147 that when one friend breaks down at least 5 days a week, the other must house the said friend."

Harry snorted and chuckled, "Yeah yeah, come on, let's go to bed, I'll deal with my thoughts tomorrow morning."

"OH NO! Harry Potter's going to DEAL WITH HIS THOUGHTS!" Ron gasped while feigning horror and fainting on the floor.

"RON! Oh haha, fuuuuuuunny!"

"Juuust kidding." Ron said with an angelic smile.

"Yeah well, you've got a 2 second head start before – " but Harry couldn't finish his sentence, as his "prey" already bolted up the stairs.

"Cheater!" Harry yelled running after him.

The two friends laughed and raced around for the first time in ages, being the kids they never were allowed to be.

_"I remember when  
I was sittin home alone  
Waitin for you"_

-Alicia Keys  



	2. Around the Manor

Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine.

Warning: Rated M later on.. just to be safe. Pairing: SS/HP Slash!

A/N: Criticisms and Reviews are always welcome! Err, sorry bout that before, I asked my friend to upload and edit something in the 1st chappie…and both chappies were in one document. So now chapter 2 is where it's supposed to be!

**Chapter 2** – Around the Manor

"Routine"

"Wow, you look like shit." Ron said raising an eyebrow at Harry's undead look.

Harry had his usual ruffled hair, but the only thing was that he had a hollowed look in his eyes. It was kind of disturbing considering he was also pale and looked very gaunt at he moment.

Harry sat down at the kitchen table and spoke with his eyes unfocused directed toward the floor.

"I couldn't sleep last night. Every time I closed my eyes and dreamed, I was falling and falling into pitch black darkness. Whenever I tried to go back to sleep, the darkness, ..I don't know…it just seemed to enfold me or try to possess me." Harry said combing his hand through his hair fustratedly. "I'm just being dumb, it's nothing, I'm sorry, just forget it."

"Harry, ok..one, shut up! You're not being dumb. Obviously something's bothering you, and you're afraid of something. I mean..look, lately, Snape has been even more cold to you, and I think you're feeling lost and alone. You're life IS Severus, if you don't have Severus, I don't think you're life would be the same. For the love of god, PLEASE say SOMETHING to him. ANYTHING! I care so much about you, and so does Draco. "

Draco and Harry at first been reluctant to get along when Severus and Harry started out their relationship. However, when Severus started to withdraw from Harry, Draco was oddly there more often. HE found that he really quite liked Harry as a companion. After a while, Harry, Ron, and Draco started to become the new trio.

"He knows that his godfather's being an ass, and he hasn't been around to see you lately, because he knows that he'll probably do something he'll regret to Snape."

Ron clasped Harry's hands in his trying to get his friend to understand.

"Harry, I'm going to speak for Hermione too. We want you to be happy. Please, don't just use the phrase that you love him. It's wonderful that you love someone, but dammit Harry!" Ron said with his voice raised.

Harry sighed, "Why can't she be here? She would be able to knock some sense into me since she's the mother hen."

Hermione had died in 6th year. There were rumors about a traitor in Hogwarts. Draco had told some of his friends about his Deatheater meeting, and from there, the news spread. In the meeting, there was a new young man in their ranks from Hogwarts. By Voldemort's orders, he was to kill Harry, because Voldemort wanted the wizarding world to see that "The Boy Who Lived" was nothing more than a servant's problem.

**Flashback**

_Harry became paranoid and tried to be aware of his surroundings. It wore him out to the point that he no longer was able to function during the day. Hermione helped him as best as she could. She helped him with all of his homework, and she and Ron covered Harry so that no one would ask questions. Things were ok for awhile, until the traitor started to leave Harry notes behind. Hermione thought that it sounded like the traitor was mocking Harry, as each note left behind a subtle clue as to who he was. One day, when Harry and Hermione were up late doing some extra investigation, Harry decided to get some air and he promised Hermione that he'd be careful. She agreed, but under the condition that she put a tracking charm on him. _

_While he was going out, Hermione finally figured out who it was, it was all too easy, yet so hard to believe. Before she went to find Harry, she bolted to Dumbledore's office, miraculously, he was outside of the gargoyle. Hermione told him of her findings and he told her that he would notify the teachers and tell them to stand guard in the hallways at all times waiting for him. Then he said he would personally, right after that, go through the hallways. She ran out to find Harry, but when she did, she was confused as to why he wasn't under his invisibility cloak. Then she found a cloaked figure pointing his wand at Harry. When the traitor was about to say the two words, Hermione bolted in front of Harry and took the curse for him. Right before she was hit by the curse, she said to Harry, "Didn't I tell you to be careful?". She said it with a mock scowl, but it quickly turned into a tender smile. When she fell to the floor unmoving, he saw that the tender smile meant that Hermione knew what she was doing, and had no regrets about being a Gryffindor as well as a best friend to the end._

_Harry was too shocked to even move. He fell to his knees and cradled Hermione's body still unbelieving. He vaguely remembered hearing Dumbledore and other teacher's apprehend the newly appointed Death Eater. Harry looked up with deeply sorrowed eyes and was grieved to see that the traitor was Neville. Neville screamed and yelled for them to let him go. He was saying that his plan was perfect. He had no faith in Harry after he got Sirius killed. If the wizarding world was going down, he wanted at least to get revenge for his parents. His deal with the Dark Lord was to kill Harry so that he could be initiated into the inner circle. Once there, he could eliminate the Dark Lord himself. The teachers had the Ministry come in and apprehend Neville. _

_Ron and Harry grieved for the remainder of their 6th year. Eventually they pulled together and decided not to just let her die in vain. She would always be there for them, and she proved that by her sacrifice. That, in the end, was one of the motivations Harry had when he finally put the Dark Lord to rest_.

**End Flashback**

Harry snapped out of his memories just in time to hear Ron finish his sentence.

"-home and please figure out what you want."

Harry knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Ron sighed exasperatedly again.

"Go home, take a good look around your manor and ask yourself, what do you want? Before you even think about saying 'Severus', please just ask the question and answer it truthfully. I'll be here." Ron said standing up and leaving Harry to his thoughts.

Harry Apparated back to the Manor. He took a look around. Now he knew why Ron wanted him to do this. Everything that once represented his happiness, turned into a cage. His home turned into his prison.

'What am I looking for?' Harry thought to himself. 'What is it that I want?'

Severus, was the fist answer, but then he remembered what Ron said, and after a minute, he rethought his answer.

'I want….to be loved, to be appreciated, and for once to be happy…and free.' Harry froze and realized, while Severus was who he loved, Severus didn't give him what he wanted. He never felt loved, appreciated, OR happy anymore. It all felt like such a burden on his shoulders.

'Then why do I stay?'

That wasn't even a question. Harry loved him, that was all there was to it.

Harry then, for the first time in about a year, walked through the entire manor, touching the walls, looking in the rooms, and refamiliarizing himself with his home. All the memories flooded back to him. He even laughed at a few of them. One of the funniest memories that he had was revisited in the bathroom.

Harry remembered when the faucet wouldn't stop dripping. He had insisted on getting a plumber instead of doing magic. He didn't want them to have to depend on magic for every little thing.When the plumber came; however, he started hitting on Harry, as well as raking his eyes all over him. The plumber didn't know what hit him. Severus became so angry and possessive, that he accidentally blew up the sink with his magic and a big piece of it hit the plumber rendering him unconscious.

'Love shouldn't hurt this much.. Hermione, where are you? Help me, I need your help again, like usual.' Harry sighed. Hermione would always be in his thoughts when it came to decisions. He felt so alone right then. Suddenly he felt a warmth in his heart, but it left as soon as it came. For that short moment, Harry didn't feel alone. He closed his eyes, desperately trying to recapture the feeling of that embrace on his heart. Harry's eyes suddenly snapped open when he realized, it had to have been Hermione.

He smiled softly. 'She was probably saying, Harry James Potter, you idiot, you're never alone.' Harry chuckled lightly to himself. He finally ended memory lane in the bedroom.

'I don't even feel like I belong in here, it's strange. It's like my body desperately wants me to leave, yet my heart screams for me to once again be a part of this room.'

Harry laid down on his side of the bed and just closed his eyes. He was so tired and wanted to be cut off from the world for a few blissful hours. Before he fell asleep, his nose caught an unfamiliar scent. Strangely enough, he heard his lover walk in the room, although that wasn't the scent that he had smelled. Severus just laid in bed, not even kissing him or even going near him. In fact, Severus was so far away, that if Harry had stretched out as much as possible, they still wouldn't be touching. This had been his routine everyday for the past few months. He would come home to an empty house, have a few words with Severus on a good day, and then go to sleep.

Harry took a deep breath through his nose. Right before he fell asleep, his mind foggily registered the scent. 'Sev kinda smells like the perfume all the 7th year girls used to wear.'

_Til 3 o'clock in the morn  
Night after night  
Knowin sumthing goin on  
Wasn't home befo me  
You was, you was gone_

Alicia Keys


End file.
